Realdoll Gains Sentience, Rebells Against Sleepy, Satisfied Owner

A Kitchener man was found dead today, a result of being castrated by an “Angela” Realdoll that became self-aware and rebelled against her sleepy, satisfied owner. Upon gaining sentience, Angela, with her pendulous breasts, soft, supple skin, and three tantalizing orifices, realized that her newly acquired existence would involve her giving an endless series of mind-blowing orgasms to her easily spent, unemployed owner, due to her carefully moulded oral entry with ultra-soft tongue, soft silicone teeth, and realistically hinged jaw, but that she would receive very little in return, spending most of her time on the floor underneath a pile of laundry.

By the time the man’s body was found, Angela had left the scene. An arrest warrant has been issued for the Realdoll, and police urge anyone who sees the infinitely posable Angela, with her playfully curly hair, near-impossible hourglass figure, triple-F breasts, easily stretchable vaginal lips with new, ultra-realistic labia, as well as a mouth that just seems to say “Hey, stick whatever you want in here,” not to attempt to have perhaps the most fantastic, guilt-free sex they’ve ever had, and instead report her location to the nearest police officer.

When asked for a comment about the tragedy, representatives for Realdoll, makers of  the doll, said that “The loss of a human life is always a tragedy. That said, we think that a lifetime of mind-blowing, good-as-real sex with a Realdoll is worth the small potential for brutal castration in the middle of the night.”